Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
