ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
