sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
