I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
