I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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