Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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