i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
