and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
