sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
