Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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