If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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