You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
