Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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