So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
