1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
