He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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