I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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