dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
