He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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