Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
