two words: eviction party
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
