Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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