I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
