I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
