he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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