A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
