When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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