Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
