hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Did I show you my penis last night?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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