oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
