if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
