I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
