I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
