That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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