Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
