apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
