I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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