the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
