I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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