His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
