Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
