Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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