dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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