Pappa wants mamma naked
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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