you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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