I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
