If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
