where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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