my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
