mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
