What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
