Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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