She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
