Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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