Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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